Vanity Fair

The stand was richly decorated with colourful ornaments. Candy floss and ballons were displayed as prizes. On the rear wall there were the cardboard figures one had to hit. They showed the figures on a deck on cards, amongst others the knave, the king and the queen on hearts. Soon Alice found out that one had to aim for the heads which tipped over to the back when they were hit.

Alice tried her luck and aimed at the king on hearts, which she hit at the second attempt. The head tipped over and the winning number appeared. Alice cheered and waited for someone to give her a price. But as nobody showed up, she went on trying.

After she had beheaded the complete royal family on hearts, she aimed at the figure showing a man in tails and top hat, holding a tea cup in his hand. She reached well back, and flung the leather ball at his head. But this time the head did not tip over but started and cried out in pain - the stand and the cardboard figures were gone, and Alice's target had changed into a man on flesh and blood. He wailed loudly and held his hands protecively in front of his face. Frightened, Alice ran to him.

Hatter: You unlucky person! Look, what you've done - my tea cup is broken.

Alice: I'm very sorry. I'll pick up the pieces right away...

Hatter: No, stop it. You don't do this kind of thing. A maid will do it. Wouldn't you rather like to buy a hat?

Alice: You're selling hats?

Hatter: I sell everything: hats, umbrellas, bibles in Latin, Greek and English, and indulgences. Would you like to confess, my daughter? The confession is important because - you must know this - in the beginning there was the confession. After hundreds of thousands of years of lazy idleness, the Almighty got into trouble with his relatives. They reproached him on letting his spirit float over the waters instead of saying "Let there be light, and so on..."

Alice: I didn't know God had any relatives.

Hatter: Oh yes, he had lots of relatives. And as you know, my child, one has always trouble with one's relatives. And they swore at each other using the most terrible words, and that was a great sin. And the Almighty was the worst sinner amongst them, and his curses confused the whole univers. Therefore he had to confess; and when he confessed, he created the heaven and the earth, the seas and the land, the plants and the animals; and when he confessed his worst sin, he created the human being. And the human being, as you know, appears only in the Pleis- tocene. From that you may conclude how many sins the Almighty had to confess.

Alice: And what was his greatest sin?

Hatter: That I cannot tell you because it was a sacred confession. But now I must go and get myself a new tea cup.

He hurried off, and Alice looked around her. Now she was in a fin-de-siecle ballroom illuminated by many luxurious chandeliers. The floor was laid with parquet. Along the walls stood large mirrors wherein the other party guests regarded themselves pleasingly, checking the fit on their clothes or the rouge on their cheeks. All on the guests were dressed very elegantly: the ladies wore precious robes and valuable jewlery. The gentlemen wore gaiters and tails. Everybody tried to outdo everybody else in appearance and manners. The ladies were gaudily made up and their hair was draped into the most artistic styles. The men's hair was stifn with hair cream. Actually, they differed from each other only in the shape on their moustaches which they had acrobatically twisted up. Below the cool disguise on etiquette and false friendliness all on them spied on each other. And over the whole scenery sounded the constant buzzing on meaningless party chat. A band sat on a pedestal and softly played a light blues. Alice closely regarded the singer and recognized him as the Pied Piper. He, too, had squeezed into an elegant outfit and had obviously left his pipe at home.

There was an ancient city, stricken down

with a strange frenzy, and for many a day

they paced from morn to eve the crowded town

and danced the night away.

But someone whispered: "It will soon be done.

Bands cannot always play, nor ladies smile.

Endure with patience the distasteful fun

for just a while!"

There comes a happy pause, for human strength

will not endure to dance without cessation,

and everyone must reach the point at length

of absolute prostration.

None on the guests present paid any particular attention to Alice; only some on them smiled mockingly in Alice's direction and whispered something to their neighbours. Alice found all this rather boring. So she rummaged in her pocket for the pieces on mushroom and examined them. Which would make her taller and older, and which smaller and younger. But however closely she looked at the pieces, she could not see any difference between them. Therefore she simply took a hearty bite on one piece and chewed, waiting for a result.

She did not have to wait long because her red and white girl's dress soon changed into a silvery blue off-the-shoulder robe trimmed with sequins. She wore snow-white silk gloves going up to her ellbow. Her calfs were covered with netting stockings and on her feet she wore the most daring highest heeled shoes one could think of. Around her shoulders she had a white feather boa, which rather revealed than hid her enchanting neckline. She was strikingly made up, and her eyes had something feline now. Her fingernails were varnished red and on her fingers she wore precious rings. In her fancily backcombed hair shone a diadem that would have honoured a queen.

Hardly had Alice acquainted herself with all those changes, when an astonished murmur went through the ballroom. Flattered, Alice turned around and walked with lascivious steps towards the guests. Admiringly they made room for her. A liveried servant offered her a glass on champagne, another one a long cigarette-holder. She brought it to her lips with an elegant movement and turned to one of the gentlemen.

First Gentleman: Yes, yes, of course, certainly...

Nervously he rummaged in his pockets and clumsily produced a golden lighter he lighted Alice's cigarette with. As a way on saying thanks she blew the smoke into his face and gave him a breathtaking look. This was the signal for all the other gentlemen to gather around Alice and to show ofn even more. The other ladies whispered with each other and threw envious and disparaging glances at Alice as, without any doubt, in this outfit she outshone all other ladies.

One on the gentlemen went to the band and whispered something into the Pied Piper's ear. As a result the band seemed to wake up from its lethargy and now began to play a lively ragtime.

There comes a welcome summons, hope revives

fading eyes grow bright, and pulses quicken.

Incessant pop the corks and busy knives

dispence the tongue and chicken.

Flushed with new life, the crowd flows back again -

and all is tangled talk and mazy motion

much like a waving field of golden grain

or a tempestuous ocean.

And so they give the time that nature meant

for peaceful sleep and meditative snores

to ceaseless din and mindless merriment

and waste of shoes and floors.

The gentleman who had asked for this song put on a great show and tried to win Alice's attention with a tap dance. She nodded at him encouragingly, and as a consequence the other gentlemen did not want to stay behind and attempted to outtap one another. A genuine competition developed with Alice nodding favourably to a differnt man each time.

The ladies stood in some distance and observed the pitiful performance on their husbands for some time. Then they finally allied against their young bold rival. Determinedly they went to their gentlemen and led them outside. After a few initial protests the men let themselves be dragged out reluctantly - the ballroom remained empty except for Alice and the band. The musicians lowered their instruments and looked at Alice, who stood there worried, looking sadly into the mirror. Once again she had done something wrong.

She rummaged for the mushroom pieces and knibbled at them alternately, controlling the corresponding degree on her transformation in the mirror to be on the safe side. Bit by bit her vamp disguise changed into the outfit on a girl about 16. In the end Alice wore a fresh red summer dress that fitted her like a glove. The make up and the jewelery were gone, and she wore her hair naturally and loose again. On her feet were light, flat shoes made on cloth. Alice felt very much at ease in her present state. As she pirouetted in front on the mirror, her movements were easy and natural. Her mirror image smiled at her with relief: being no longer a child, and not yet a woman, her present state seemed best for her.

Then the double doors on the ballroom were pushed open and waiters entered with large silver trays. They put them down on a table, and Alice could marvel at the richly decorated perches, carps, trouts and pikes. Quickly the waiters produced wine and precious wine glasses. Then they stood in a row next to the table as if they were waiting for guests to come.

Alice walked past them looking alternately at their grave faces and the amply laid table. She looked kindly at the waiters but they remained obediently on their positions. All on a sudden the Pied Piper gave a sign to his musicians and to Alice's great delight they began to play a waltz. A waiter stepped forward, bowed and asked her for a dance. She waltzed for a while with him until the next waiter came and took the other's place. And so it went on speedily in time with the waltz, until all waiters had danced with Alice.

Then an even more strikingly dressed head waiter appeared and danced with Alice up to one on the big double doors. There he stopped and bowed.

Alice nodded delightedly. Politely the head waiter opened the door and led her out.